Baked Beans is a character played by Timmy Williams that appears in three Season 5 sketches. She is a sex call worker who erotically pours baked beans on her body. She can be reached by calling 1-900-XX-BEANS (1-900-99-23267).
- "I'm asleep, go to town."
- "I'm available for Bar Mitzvahs. Yeah, I said it, Bar Mitzvahs."
- "You must be this tall to ride Baked Beans. Psych."
- "If you wanna get some Baked Beans, you're gonna need a can opener. What's a can opener? Fifty bucks."
- "I won't bite, unless I feel trapped."